Almost a year since I left home. Almost a year living with just memories.
I remember the night I left. So clearly that every time I sit down and think about it, tears flow. Not because I left home. It's because I left everything behind. I chose to. To start a new life. To start a whole new chapter. A new journey.
Things were fine for months. Till one day, everything changed. Who cares about new life? Who wants to start a new chapter when you're half way through? New journey? Pfft! My ass.
I didn't realize I was drifting away slowly. And when I did, I was already in the arms of the evil. Marked and controlled by evil. But Wait.. It wasn't so bad after all, I thought. He brought me to wonderful places. There were chicks everywhere! Beers! Cars! Money! Fame! This is 'paradise'!
It went on for months. I got addicted to drinking, partying, fighting. I stopped going to church. I was either too lazy or too drunk to get up. I even skipped classes. Same reason for not going to church. It went on and on and on and on~
I was back in Kuching for a week school break. So relieved to be back home again.
Nobody knew evil's my 'partner'. Nobody knew what happened. I told everybody that everything's fine. I didn't even know I was so good at acting...
Things changed again when I was back home. I met up with few friends. Close friends, school friends, etc.. But this person, a very special girl. I stared at her without her knowing. I question myself, why is she so faithful? I mean, how did she manage to hold on? Why can't I be like her? And suddenly, everything started to flash back. As if the time stopped for a moment. All the things I did. All the sins I've committed, played like a film in front of me.
Disgusted and so ashame, I left. I continued acting. I was quite a master at pretending and acting. Sigh.. There I sat alone in my bedroom, thinking. From the very start. What's the purpose of life? Is there really God? If yes, why aren't you here for me? I'm beginning to doubt. Maybe there is no purpose of living in this world. Everything's the same. Eat, sleep, work, play, die...
A week gone and I was back at 'paradise' again. I acted normal as if nothing happened. I partied, drunk... but less. I was beginning to realize. I was slowing down on everything bad. The girls, parties, beers... Every time temptations tried to deceive me, I thought of her. Simple but effective. This went on for months and eventually I stopped. I slipped off the evil's arms.
I thank God for being so merciful. I'm so blessed to know friend who is so faithful to God. You don't know, you don't have to do anything but your doings are enough to change a person's life. God works in many ways. We cannot see. Just trust and have faith. And He will guide you through.
Through Him, nothing is impossible. Through Him, everything is possible.
God Bless.
ps, i summarized lots of it. So, if you dont understand a thing, ask me. =)
I dont really like writing this long. But ah well.
